In an unexpected turn of events, Congressman John McClane brilliantly saves the day when a fellow colleague starts choking on a grape during an intense debate.

Congressman Comes to the (Grape) Rescue, Keeps Colleague from Being "Grappling" with Choking

Jennifer Pagliaccio
Jennifer PagliaccioDecember 3, 2023Ersatz News

Congressman Comes to the (Grape) Rescue, Keeps Colleague from Being "Grappling" with Choking

An Unexpected Hero Emerges

In a thrilling twist during yesterday's heated debate on Capitol Hill, an unexpected hero emerged to save the day. Congressman John McClane, renowned for his action-packed heroics, proved that his bravery extends beyond the big screen. McClane swiftly and skillfully dealt with a particularly perilous situation when a fellow colleague found themselves in a chokehold by none other than a grape.

A Grapeful Incident

With a twist of irony worthy of an '80s action movie, the small grape lodged itself in the congressman's throat, threatening to bring proceedings to a choking halt. In a desperate struggle for air, his face turned a vibrant shade of purple, matching the décor of the chambers.

Enter John McClane, Savior Extraordinaire

As McClane reached his colleague's side, he wasted no time and administered a swift and expertly executed Heimlich maneuver. The grape, defeated by the congressman's heroic efforts, was catapulted across the room like a missile seeking shelter. The entire ordeal lasted mere seconds, but the impact was felt far and wide.

A Hero in the Halls of Congress

This remarkable act of bravery has transcended party lines, with both Democrats and Republicans applauding McClane's quick thinking and decisive actions. Representative Sally Jensen, praising his heroics, said, "John McClane has proven that action heroes don't just exist in movies. He's a real-life hero, and he saved the day."

An '80s Icon for Modern Times

The incident has also given rise to creative puns, with headlines like "Grapeful for Heroes" and "No Escape from Grapes" tickling the funny bones of netizens everywhere. It seems that even in serious situations, a touch of '80s humor finds a way to brighten the day.

Safety Measures and Snack Awareness

In response to the incident, Capitol Hill is considering implementing a "Grape Safety Protocol," which includes designated snack areas and mandatory grape squishing procedures before consumption.

Real-Life Acts of Heroism

As the grape incident continues to make waves in both political and pop culture realms, we're left with a renewed appreciation for the '80s and the enduring impact it has on our lives. And who knows, maybe there's an '80s-style action hero hidden within each of us, ready to save the day, one grape at a time.

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